The Realities of Getting Your Fake Adult Off to College for that First Year

The graduation and the trunk parties are almost OVER! Now what? It’s time to get this guy off to school.

They are salivating at the bit on their newfound “freedom” and just feeling themselves.

They are 18 and think they’re grown. They think they’re hot stuff. They can vote for president, stay out late, challenge curfew and all sorts of stuff.

They are fake adults, reaping the benefits of adulthood but on your dime and anxiety.

But at the end of the day, when real responsibility comes and the pressure is on– they just wimp out. Now all of a sudden “mommy or daddy” need to do things. You need to call the college and talk to financial aid, you need to take them shopping for supplies and you need to order the U-Haul truck.

They move onto campus and do whatever they want, come and go as they please, but still call you about the tuition bill, $50 here, a care package there. Like I said, fake adults.

But, we humor them anyway.

The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.” ~ Frank A. Clark

Realities of Dealing with the College

Once your teen gets on campus, none of the offices or entities are going to deal with multiple folks. In their eyes, only one person on record matters–your teen. The days of you calling teachers, dropping in to see the counselor and just hi-jacking the entire situation are over. You can’t even have access to their grades–they have to give YOU permission. REALLY?!? SERIOUSLY?!?!

If you would have your son to walk honorably through the world, you must not attempt to clear the stones from his path, but teach him to walk firmly over them – not insist upon leading him by the hand, but let him learn to go alone.” ~ Anne Bronte

At some point you have to loosen the reigns and encourage their independence. They need to learn how to interact with the staff and make decisions on their own.

When we took my daughter to orientation and made our stop at the financial aid office, I stood behind the chair. She looked at me and I motioned to the chair. She sat and we talked to the officer. I stood there for a few minutes and eventually went to a bench in the lobby and let her handle her business, making sure I was close by if she had questions. This was going to be her “every day” once we officially dropped her off so I had to set the level of expectation. Luckily, she was very mature and independent and was able to maneuver that meeting and the ones after very well.

With all this being said, below are a few tips to get you started:

Make sure your school sends off your final transcript. You cannot officially complete your registration and move in without it.
Have your teen engaged in EVERY aspect of finalizing college enrollment. Have them make phone calls and be the focal speaker at in-person meetings. At some point you will be going home, so they need to get used to talking without you there. They’re adults, RIGHT?
Set up a banking account near campus
Carefully consider the amount of loans your student is taking out.
Have them talk to roommate so they won’t duplicate items. There’s nothing worse than dragging a TV, microwave (which they probably can’t have), rugs and other items only to see they are already in the room when you get there. Then, you have to take all that crap back to your car and back to the house.
Save gift cards and money until you really need them. Sometimes kids waste that money buying something that is cool or interesting and then don’t have money for the things they really need.
Check out the local bedding stores and locate the college supply list station. Tons of info regarding what to and what not to take to school. That doesn’t mean buy everything on the list, just check it out.
Attend weekend orientation for parents and new students. It will have a minimal fee attached, but you will learn tons of information about the realities of what to expect from that school.
Consider renting books.
Get roommates or friends numbers in the event of an emergency. If your teen ends up doing something concerning, the friend may reach out to you if things in school get out of hand.

The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” ~ Denis Waitley

Purchase the largest meal plan unless your kid is an athlete or has a huge appetite. They are going to skip a lot of those, mainly breakfast. Some cereal and milk in the fridge will suffice.
Buy all the stuff the school recommends in mailings (i.e. those appealing “care packages”). Again, they are in business to make money.
Fight with kid if they don’t give you access to their grade portal (remember, they are adults and it’s their name on the account). Make a simple barter: I get access to grades, you get tuition, care package and emergency money for next semester. See how easy that is?
Try to contact their teachers and advisors. Chill out and get a life!
Smother your kid. Have conversation about how much you want to see each other. Don’t pop up on campus. Again, get a life.

Good luck!

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